diff --git a/configuration/default.nix b/configuration/default.nix
index 239f9f6..f874733 100644
--- a/configuration/default.nix
+++ b/configuration/default.nix
@@ -22,6 +22,7 @@
     ./services/foundryvtt.nix
     ./services/gitea.nix
     ./services/metrics
+    ./services/minecraft.nix
     ./services/nextcloud.nix
     ./services/webserver.nix
     ./services/wireguard.nix
@@ -70,8 +71,6 @@
         8448
         # starbound
         21025
-        # Minecraft
-        25565
 
         config.services.coturn.listening-port
         config.services.coturn.tls-listening-port
@@ -80,9 +79,6 @@
       ];
 
       allowedUDPPorts = [
-        # More minecraft
-        25565
-
         config.services.coturn.listening-port
         config.services.coturn.tls-listening-port
         config.services.coturn.alt-listening-port
diff --git a/configuration/nginx.nix b/configuration/nginx.nix
index 0b72cc1..3ec3bd9 100644
--- a/configuration/nginx.nix
+++ b/configuration/nginx.nix
@@ -53,7 +53,7 @@
         "*.tlater.com"
       ];
       dnsProvider = "porkbun";
-      group = "nginx";
+      group = "ssl-cert";
       credentialFiles = {
         PORKBUN_API_KEY_FILE = config.sops.secrets."porkbun/api-key".path;
         PORKBUN_SECRET_API_KEY_FILE = config.sops.secrets."porkbun/secret-api-key".path;
@@ -61,6 +61,12 @@
     };
   };
 
+  users.groups.ssl-cert = { };
+
+  systemd.services.nginx.serviceConfig.SupplementaryGroups = [
+    config.security.acme.certs."tlater.net".group
+  ];
+
   services.backups.acme = {
     user = "acme";
     paths = lib.mapAttrsToList (
diff --git a/configuration/services/conduit/default.nix b/configuration/services/conduit/default.nix
index c3803f4..c7e4ab4 100644
--- a/configuration/services/conduit/default.nix
+++ b/configuration/services/conduit/default.nix
@@ -50,6 +50,10 @@ in
   # See also https://gitlab.com/famedly/conduit/-/issues/314
   systemd.services.conduit.serviceConfig.EnvironmentFile = config.sops.secrets."turn/env".path;
 
+  systemd.services.coturn.serviceConfig.SupplementaryGroups = [
+    config.security.acme.certs."tlater.net".group
+  ];
+
   services.coturn = {
     enable = true;
     no-cli = true;
@@ -59,11 +63,8 @@ in
     relay-ips = [ "116.202.158.55" ];
 
     # SSL config
-    #
-    # TODO(tlater): Switch to letsencrypt once google fix:
-    #  https://github.com/vector-im/element-android/issues/1533
-    pkey = config.sops.secrets."turn/ssl-key".path;
-    cert = config.sops.secrets."turn/ssl-cert".path;
+    pkey = "${config.security.acme.certs."tlater.net".directory}/key.pem";
+    cert = "${config.security.acme.certs."tlater.net".directory}/fullchain.pem";
 
     # Based on suggestions from
     # https://github.com/matrix-org/synapse/blob/develop/docs/turn-howto.md
diff --git a/configuration/services/metrics/exporters.nix b/configuration/services/metrics/exporters.nix
index a47a701..78ba684 100644
--- a/configuration/services/metrics/exporters.nix
+++ b/configuration/services/metrics/exporters.nix
@@ -20,6 +20,16 @@ in
               timeout = "5s";
               http.preferred_ip_protocol = "ip4";
             };
+
+            turn_server = {
+              prober = "tcp";
+              timeout = "5s";
+              tcp = {
+                preferred_ip_protocol = "ip4";
+                source_ip_address = "116.202.158.55";
+                tls = true;
+              };
+            };
           };
         };
       };
diff --git a/configuration/services/metrics/victoriametrics.nix b/configuration/services/metrics/victoriametrics.nix
index eca65d0..4a78d46 100644
--- a/configuration/services/metrics/victoriametrics.nix
+++ b/configuration/services/metrics/victoriametrics.nix
@@ -40,6 +40,30 @@ in
         };
       };
 
+      blackbox_turn = {
+        targets = [ "turn.tlater.net:${toString config.services.coturn.tls-listening-port}" ];
+
+        extraSettings = {
+          metrics_path = "/probe";
+          params.module = [ "turn_server" ];
+
+          relabel_configs = [
+            {
+              source_labels = [ "__address__" ];
+              target_label = "__param_target";
+            }
+            {
+              source_labels = [ "__param_target" ];
+              target_label = "instance";
+            }
+            {
+              target_label = "__address__";
+              replacement = "${blackbox_host}:${toString blackbox_port}";
+            }
+          ];
+        };
+      };
+
       blackbox_exporter.targets = [ "${blackbox_host}:${toString blackbox_port}" ];
 
       coturn.targets = [ "127.0.0.1:9641" ];
diff --git a/configuration/services/minecraft.nix b/configuration/services/minecraft.nix
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0477f44
--- /dev/null
+++ b/configuration/services/minecraft.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,83 @@
+{
+  pkgs,
+  lib,
+  config,
+  ...
+}:
+{
+  services.minecraft-server = {
+    enable = true;
+    eula = true;
+    # jvmOpts are set using a file for forge
+    # jvmOpts = "-Xmx8G -Xms8G";
+    openFirewall = true;
+
+    declarative = true;
+
+    whitelist = {
+      tlater = "140d177a-966f-41b8-a4c0-e305babd291b";
+      romino25 = "59cd1648-14a4-4bcf-8f5a-2e1bde678f2c";
+      lasi25 = "0ab6e3d1-544a-47e7-8538-2e6c248e49a4";
+    };
+
+    serverProperties = {
+      allow-flight = true;
+      difficulty = "hard";
+      motd = "tlater.net";
+      spawn-protection = 1;
+      white-list = true;
+      enable-query = true;
+      enable-status = true;
+
+      # Allows the server to write chunks without hogging the main
+      # thread...
+      sync-chunk-writes = false;
+      # Disables chat reporting, because we don't need any of that
+      # drama on a lil' friends-only server.
+      enforce-secure-profile = false;
+    };
+
+    package = pkgs.writeShellApplication {
+      name = "minecraft-server";
+      runtimeInputs = with pkgs; [ jdk17_headless ];
+
+      text = ''
+        exec /var/lib/minecraft/run.sh $@
+      '';
+    };
+  };
+
+  systemd.services.minecraft-server = {
+    path = with pkgs; [ jdk17_headless ];
+
+    # Since we read from our own HTTP server, we need to wait for it
+    # to be up
+    after = [ "nginx.service" ];
+
+    serviceConfig = {
+      # Use packwiz to install mods
+      ExecStartPre = [
+        "${pkgs.jdk17_headless}/bin/java -jar ${config.services.minecraft-server.dataDir}/packwiz-installer-bootstrap.jar -g -s server 'https://minecraft.${config.services.nginx.domain}/cobblemon-pack/pack.toml'"
+      ];
+      # Forge requires some bonus JVM options, which they include in a
+      # little `run.sh` script
+      ExecStart = lib.mkForce "${config.services.minecraft-server.dataDir}/run.sh --nogui";
+    };
+  };
+
+  systemd.tmpfiles.settings."10-minecraft" = {
+    "/srv/minecraft".d = {
+      user = "nginx";
+      group = "minecraft";
+      mode = "0775";
+    };
+  };
+
+  services.nginx.virtualHosts."minecraft.${config.services.nginx.domain}" = {
+    forceSSL = true;
+    useACMEHost = "tlater.net";
+    enableHSTS = true;
+
+    root = "/srv/minecraft";
+  };
+}